An Important Reminder

I have always been amazed with the grace, strength, and courage with which Olivia has faced her various medical appointments.  Two surgeries, overnight hospital stays, six infusions, and blood draws.  Barely a tear shed.  Even when she broke her leg right after coming home, I was the one in shambles.

When we go in for her "bone juice" infusions, she watches them insert the needles and asks them about all of the details.  She climbs on my lap to comfort me when I get my flu shot.

She is my princess warrior.

All this is why I didn't give it a second thought when we were told to pop down to the lab for a quick blood draw following another appointment today.

She was fine in the lobby.  She was fine when she climbed up on the chair.

And then it happened.

The walls crumbled.  The tears broke loose.  And from somewhere buried down deep the screams let loose.  She may be a tiny thing, but when she curls up in a ball and decides that her arms will not be stretched out, there is no changing it.

I pulled her into my lap.  Held her tight.  Told her I loved her.  Reminded her that one of my most important jobs is to keep her safe.  I told her it was important that they do this, but it was more important she knows I will protect her.  They called out a second nurse to help.  I looked into her eyes and saw the complete fear.

And told them we would have to come back another time.

I don't know all of the details about the life that Olivia experienced her first 4 1/2 years before she came home.  I don't know if she always had to be brave in her own.

But she doesn't have to be anymore.

This served as a good reminder that no matter how far we have come; no matter how together things may seem; that there is still brokenness; that there is a need for healing;  that there is still need for love and trust to grow.

I'd be lying if I didn't confess that my anxiety has increased a bit for the surgery that is scheduled for next month. We would appreciate your prayers.  We will continue to prepare and spend time with some of the resources suggested by my precious friend, Rebecca, in her recent blog posts - http://radicchis.blogspot.com/2015/02/childrens-videos-about-hospitalsmedical.html .

But for now we will enjoy extra cuddles on the couch.  And chocolate.  Immediate pain is made better by thousands of calories of chocolate ganache.