For some reason today, more than usual, I am having an unusual longing (I don't know if that is even the right word) for her to be home. Each and every day she permeates my thoughts, but for some reason today there is an even greater desire on my heart for her to be home. Several times throughout the night I woke up with her on my heart and in my prayers. On my computer I toggle back and forth between the work that I am supposed to be doing and sites of friends giving their updates.
I am so blessed to have received some video clips of her and I have them playing on auto-repeat. I LOVE watching her smile, her giggle, and her personality. "Ta bu hao! Ta bu hao!" (She's not good! She's not good!) she says while wearing her stethoscope and doing a medical exam with some of her friends on another friend. I don't take these glimpses into her life for granted. Most do not get to meet their child until "gotcha day". Most cling to the itty bitty picture posted with the official file. I know that I am blessed. And selfishly it makes me want her all the more. I want to be the one coloring the big pictures, singing the songs, playing doctor and more. Some day...one day...soon?
This period of waiting - where there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to cross things off the list to move us closer to when I board the plane to go and get her - is hard, really hard. I am not a patient person and God is teaching me - DAILY - that this is completely out of my hands and out of my control. As someone who likes to pretend that I am in control, this has been an incredible time of stretching and growing.
I had prayed that for my birthday (February 1) we would get notice that we had moved to the next step. It didn't come. Maybe for Chinese New Year before everything closes for 2 weeks?
I need to remember that it isn't about me. This is all about Him. He has a plan. He has a schedule. And whether I agree with it or not, it is perfect.
And until then anyone who walks by will wonder why there are sounds of a slightly out-of-tune child's singing voice in a language most can't understand coming out of my computer. To me, they are beautiful and I can't wait to hear them in person again and forever!
This verse jumped out at me the other day...wonder why...not really...
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"
Psalm 27:14
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