If you’ve been round the adoption
community for long at all, or ready any books on trauma, I don’t have to tell
you that transitions can be hard for the little people in our lives (and let’s
be honest, they’re hard for us, too). Knowing this, it should be of no surprise
to us that every year, as school starts back up, unusual behaviors frequently
pop up. But for some reason it is.
Back in May, my girls started
doing CrossFit twice a week. The thought was that it would be fantastic for my
sensory seeking 7-year-old to get the deep inputs that she needs (and would
help my 10-year-old with some much-needed strength training). The week before
school started, the coach and I were talking about the incredible progress that
we were seeing – the first few weeks, I had to stand beside Callie to keep her
focused and engaged, and now she was fully participating, and not needing my
attention. And then school started. Of
the 4 classes since then, one found her rolling on the floor screaming because
she didn’t want to do it, another had her doing the exact opposite of what the
coach would say (jump left, she’d go right, stand up, she’d sit down), and the
other 2, well, it seemed as if every other sentence out of the coach’s mouth
was, “Callie, eyes up here please.” Each
time I heard her name called, my body instinctively cringed, ready to unload
deep apologies for the lack of focus. When
I ask her about what’s going on, she usually responds, “I just don’t know,
Mommy. My insides are all confused, and I can’t sort them out.”
If I’m fair, I struggle,
too. I like routine and predictability. I like to have my plan. But if I’ve learned
one thing from this adventure I’m on, God likes to keep changing things up and
checking on my commitment and obedience.
Heck, I’m now the single mama of 2 girls born on the other side of the
world and still waiting for my Prince Charming to show up! When I struggle with parenting, next-steps in
ministry, or a myriad of other areas and, like Callie, “my insides are all
confused,”, I have developed some unhealthy coping skills – like turning to a bag
of chips or camping out on the couch in front of the Hallmark Channel.
There is a better solution than Callie
letting it all out or me burying it all inside.
Just like Callie’s coach, the Lord is saying to each of us, “eyes up
here please”:
“I lift up
my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will
not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”
Psalm 121:1-4
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”
Psalm 121:1-4
“But
he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that
the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am
content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For
when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“Fear
not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen
you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
Isaiah 41:10
“Trust
in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”
Proverbs3:5-6
Proverbs3:5-6
